Have we reached Peak Vinyl?

So my good friend G$ is working towards opening his own record store and it has been fun to live vicariously through him as he amasses a collection to merit such an effort.  

Or at least it was at the very beginning.  On one of his earliest scores, G$ bought an entire roomful of records for $500.  They were literally jammed airtight into this room from floor to ceiling.   

Lately I have started to worry that this vinyl resurgence has induced a gold rush fever that will soon go bust.  

Y'see, I started looking around on Craigslist to see if I could help find some decent scores so my buddy G$ could build up his stock.  What I found leads me to believe that all these plain folk with records collecting dust in their basements may have read an article about the vinyl boom and plumb lost their minds. 

For you serious collectors out there, I will warn you that these images and ads I am about to share with you may seem like a cruel and sadistic joke.  I assure you that they are very real and I fear they point to a future where finding quality records will be much more difficult and costly. 

I have no plans to return to Craigslist and I offer this log of what I found as a cautionary tale for anyone sensitive to the mistreatment of records. 

 "I have two big rubbermaid containers full of old record albums. If I had to guess, I would say there are about 1000 at least. They are from various artists. They are not in perfect condition, but I'm sure there are some gems in there. I just don't have the time to sort them. Just trying to get rid of them. Thanks for looking."

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This listing above is pretty typical of what I found.  Everyone is certain that their parcel has precious gold in it - or they are just playing dumb in the hopes that someone sizes them up as a rube and hauls away their trash for them.  It is like an elaborate Tom Sawyer paint my fence set up.  

If I had to guess, I would say that there was 200 seriously abused records in those Rubbermaid tubs. If I had to guess, I would say they were subjected to waterboarding and several humiliating sessions with a feline dominatrix.  

I suspect this person may actually be an exhibitionist masochist: "Thanks for looking at my vinyl torture porn. Hey, you are in luck!; I was just about to bring out the Gimp.

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RECORDS, I HAVE 13 FROM EARLY 1980'S AND EARLIER. $10 – Condition: Good.  ASK FOR RICK.

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Rick, I would like to ask you a question. I presume that you know how to work a digital camera thanks to the photo you provided with your listing.  Has anyone every told you that 9/10ths of the sale is presentation?  I mean, who stacks records like this?  Do you work in a fish market?

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Vinyl Albums $50.00 each albumPeter Frampton Frampton Comes Alive,Bruce Springsteen Born in The U.S.A., Michael Jackson Thriller,Beach Boys Spirit Of America, Black Sabbath, Sabbath Bloody Sabbath,Frankie Goes To Hollywood Welcome To The Pleasuredome...Palos Heights thats in the south suburbs!!! text or call I respond faster

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Dear Palos Heights,

I have questions about these certifiably rare albums that you are surprisingly willing to part with at such bargain pricing.  

Does the Springsteen album come with a bandanna soaked in The Boss's flopsweat?  Does the Sabbath album come the carcass of the bat whose head Ozzy bit off?  Is the Thriller album sticky with King of Pop's jizm?   Are you throwing in Brian Wilson's bathrobe that he wore for a decade straight to sweeten the pot?  

What forensic level of memorabilia are you clearly going to add to this deal of six blurry records laying on the floor of your den to justify THREE HUNDRED SIMOLIANS and a trip to the south suburbs?  A coke-encrusted arab strap from the Pleasuredome?  

Please text or call me back and I will respond, perhaps with some pointers on proper comma placement.  Or not.

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Have several brand new, undamaged Rock LPs all at various prices. Jon Spencer Blues Explosion. Hovercraft, etc. Email for info and prices. 

Note: the Ted Nugent LP is free.
Mick Jagger records are $7.00 each.

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This one may be my favorite listing - it packs in all forms of slick advertising with such brevity.  

"Brand New," for instance, might make the following term "undamaged" seem irrelevant. But this guy isn't taking any chances, he wants to manage your expectations.  Especially since he is showing you a copy of an album that clearly hasn't been "brand new" since 1975.

But perhaps that isn't fair since that photo is the Ted Nugent album.  The one free LP that you get if you Act Now(!) and email about the pricing for the several brand new, undamaged others. You'll be delighted to learn that he has Jon Spencer Blues Explosion as well as Hovercraft! Not to mention etc! 

Well, wait - can we suppose that he doesn't have the Jon Spencer Blues Explosion LP titled "Damage"?  And how much do you think he is asking for the Mick Jagger records?  

Oh yeah, I will probably learn that when I email him about the pricing for the several others.  

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15 Great Rock n Roll albulms from the 80's, The Eagles Greatest Hits Volume 1, Van Halen, Rush Moving Pictures, The Police Every Breath You Take, Bad Company 10 from 6, Steppenwolf 16 Greatest Hits, The Eagles Greatest Hits Volume 2, Rush 2112, The Cars, Madonna True Blue, Foreigner, Alice Cooper, Scott Baio, Rush Permanent Waves, and Steve Martin Wild and Crazy Guy, has the song King Tut, The records are in great shape, the covers are fair to good, Bring back the Memories.

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Admittedly my memories of the 80's is a little fuzzy but were all of these "albulms" so great that they deserve to be revisited?

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ANYONE LOOKING FOR RECORDS?!

I have over 40 crates of records but I am not wanting to part with all of them. I am willing to part with 15-20 of them. I have all genres of music. I am not interested in selling record by record. Selling WHOLE crates ONLY. $35 per crate OR if you are interested in buying multiple, we can work something out (buy 4 get one free for instance...whatever). Some records are used, some have not been opened. They are all mixed and in no type of order what so ever. SERIOUS INQUIRES ONLY!!!!

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Oh don't play coy with me, audiophile!  You KNOW I am looking for records and I won't rest until I get all 40 of these undifferentiated crates of LPs as well as the insects and molds that have claimed them as their home.  Like you, I am into all genres of music and I am always serious when it comes working something out...whatever. 

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I have 2 boxes of Vinyl records looking to sell

some are in really good shape and some very old titles.

I know that a couple of this records are worth some money!

$125 Cash obo for the two boxes.

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I feel that it is important to mention at this point that I found all these ads in one sitting while looking at Craigslist ads for CHICAGOLAND.  Not some post-apocalyptic Appalachian mountainside.  

We have three Reckless Records locations! Our city is the home to the venerated Numero Group label! Dusty Groove sells half a million records every year!  The record buying public that I encounter on the streets of my city are not hicks and certainly not chumps.   

And yet this ignorance and vinyl abuse clearly proliferates in our midst. 

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   5000 lps first1000$ takes them no picking Genoa City

In all seriousness, if you choose to go to Genoa City with $1,000 in your pocket, you will probably be tortured and then murdered.  Not even a mutual love of B.B. King will save you.  Don't do it!

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